Saturday, 6 February 2016

A VNV (Very Naughty Valentine)

WARNING - don't read on if you are easily offended.

You're all still reading, aren't you? I thought so...... especially YOU! And YOU!!!

You've probably realised by now, I don't have a romantic bone in my body, and that means I have a real struggle with making Valentines cards, whether for personal use or for challenges. Yes, I can do the hearts and lace and flowers stuff, I have some pretty dies and stamps, but there's never really anything of me in them.

Anyway, I had this germ of an idea and had even bought a set of stamps, Cathie Shuttleworth's "DIY Bits" (which will also be handy for all the masculine cards I like to make) in anticipation of making something much less mushy than usual.  And seeing that the new challenge at Sisterhood of Snarky Stampers is K is for Kiss



and that at Naughty or Nice challenges (a challenge I have only just learned about - where have you been hiding all my life?) is See Red. with a double dare to get extra naughty, I decided the time had come.....

I stamped and embossed the drill and screwdriver to make a background, using red ink and clear EP.
Then I stamped the screw for the topper - can you see where this is leading? By this point, I'd decided it was go big or go home time, so I carefully positioned that screw at a nicely perky angle. Then I needed to add the word. Now I own no letter stamps or dies, and shiny peel offs didn't seem to be the way to go, then I remembered that I have a die to cut the phrase BEST WISHES  and the letters aren't joined up. So, I cut that and used my teeny tiniest scissors to trim one of the Es down to make an L. And because I'm a fully paid up member of the Grammar Police, there had to be an apostrophe so I used a tiny red gem. 

For the corners, I used my beloved screw-headed brads, making sure I chose all cross-head ones and positioning them so that the crosses in the heads form kisses.

Now I'm left with the letters BWISHS - I need a "B Swish" challenge to use them in!


See, I haven't actually said anything filthy, have I? If you're tittering now, it's your mind that's doing it! I could simply be using the card to suggest a trip to Ikea.....

21 comments:

Julie B said...

Well, well Jane. Of course I didn't know what to expect from the headline but that's fine, a fun little number. :)

Zoechaos said...

I used to date a prison officer, he would appreciate this he he

Claire Toplis said...

I did wonder if the picture was one of you .. Looks like you .. Tee hee on the screw one

Chris Dring said...

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This. Is. BRILLIANT!!!!! Thanks for making me spit out my tea, and for joining us at the Sisterhood of Snarky Stampers!

Maarit at Violets Corner said...

Haha, love it Jane!!!! And Ikea too :)

Dotty Jo said...

It's great to have a naughty card to add to the collect for this month! I love it! Thanks so much for getting naughty with us at Naughty or Nice, Jo x

cotnob said...

A brilliant card Jane, you have brightened up a really dull day!
Pauline
x

Alex said...

Love this! Thanks for sharing.

Barb said...

You Cheeky Girl Jane. I enjoyed reading and wondered where you were going with this. A great card. I LOVE it. Barbxx

Tracy Welham said...

Hee, hee, so clever! Creative Blessings, Tracy x

Unknown said...

Love it.

Donna said...

Winner winner chicken dinner....he he he he he he LOVE this Jane!!!
I am with you, I can make kissy, touchy, feely romance cards, but it's a total fake lol
Thanks for coming back to the sisterhood for K is for Kiss!!

DonnaMundinger said...

ROTFLMAO!!!!! I'm particularly fond of the nice perky angle of the screw. Sort of makes me wanna. (Oh shit, did I just say that?) ;D xxD

Lindsey said...

I already knew you were my kind of cardmaker... this just confirms it! This is perfect. And with your leftover letters, I imagine a card with a sentiment such as... Wish? BS! :P Thanks for joining the fun at the Sisterhood of Snarky Stampers, and for discovering my other home-away-from-home, Naughty or Nice Challenges!

ike said...

Bwaahahahaha - excellent - made me chuckle :-D I saw this entered at the SoSS and had to come over for a looksee. I am sooooo with you on your feelings about valentines hahaha :-D

IKE xx

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ike said...

Hahahahaha - Donna !!!! Wash your mind out with soap !!!!! :-D

Lee aka Violent Kittie said...

Jane, you're making me blush! Awesome combining the "drilled" and "screwed." You just need a nail or two to add on there! Thanks for the great card and playing along with the Snarky Sisterhood's K is for Kiss challenge.

Susan said...

Yes, this is definitely a snarky card! You know what they always say, 'Laughter is the best medicine (or aphrodisiac)'.

my Eunice is now gonna be really 'screwed'.

Barbara Godden said...

Great snarky card, love it!!! Thanks for playing along with the sisterhood of snarky stampers for K is for Kiss.

Bibi Lindahl said...

Of course, the first thing I thought you meant was "Let's take a trip to IKEA"! Actually, that card WOULD make the best comemrcial for IKEA, ever! Love it, love it! xxx

Chelle (PhotoArt/MaybeCreative) said...

Great card, I am not a mushy person either..I struggle with lovey dovey cards. Thanks for joining us at SoSS